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| It was just another day of work. Slapping the alarm a minute before it goes off, throwing the covers off and sliding out of bed, getting ready for a whole new day involved dunking my head in a sink full of water, cleaning myself up, getting dressed-dress pants, dress shirts, dress shoes-an apple or banana on the way out of the house, into the car and to the office.
There was a surprise this day though. A last minute meeting invite lay waiting in my email inbox. My boss had invited me to join him in a presentation he had to give to other government agencies. It was pretty high profile stuff, with representatives from different levels of government present. Millions of dollars in funding were on the table. I had helped my boss prepare his presentation, but didn't expect to actually be present.
It's always humbling to meet people who've reached respectable positions in life. You kind of wonder how they ever got to where they were, and whether you'd be as successful someday.
The meeting room was set. Coffee, tea, biscuits, fruit. Introductions went around the room, including myself... the Process Engineering Assistant, aka "the student." Elsewhere, individuals presented their titles... senior water resource something... director of this, director of that. It was almost like everyone was trying to size each other up, while making sure everyone was aware that they were important. The only one who didn't do so were the guys from my team, and one particularly old man... white haired, Russian looking, back bent over with age, and a heavy accent when he speaks.
The presentation went by soon enough, an update on a project and request for amendments to some agreements. Then it was off for a tour of the project, a large underground facility. After arriving, it was pretty obvious that most people on the tour didn't deem me important enough to speak to.
I tried to generate small talk, something I do well usually, but as expected from those who are in high positions, and particularly if they're mid-aged (or younger) and insecure... they either gave me a look of "why are you talking to me?" and ignored me, or gave an annoyed reply and move away quickly. Having worked at quite a few organizations now, it's something I'm familiar with. People who deem their time too valuable to spend on you. What I've learned though, over all these years, is that no matter how successful these people seem to be; if they aren't willing to spend their time on you then you shouldn't spend your time on them either. Because they aren't worth it either.
How you price your time says a lot about yourself. You need to price your time high in some cases, so that you don't waste time on those who don't deserve you. Like that friend, who really isn't a friend and only comes to you when they need help. Or that significant other who doesn't appreciate you. But there are other times where you want to price your time lower... or at least in a sense, so that you don't miss those who may seem insignificant but would really cherish and value your time. Like the lonely janitor who wishes he has someone to talk to when he's working late at night in an empty office. Or like the young, ambitious student who just wants to learn. It's time budgeting, but not in the sense that you're saving time or whatnot, but more in the sense that you're using it effectively. For example, 1 hour spent with an eager student would bring about more change to this world than 1 hour spent with someone who's only half listening to what you're saying. It's an important lesson I've learned over the years. Hopefully I learned it in time.
Back to work now. In the end, somebody did come speak to me. Someone who I really didn't expect would even notice me. That old man I talked about? He was something special. Everyone was around their 30s and 40s, but this guy must've been in his 80s. I wasn't sure how he'd be up to speed on all the latest technologies and sciences, but oh damn, he was. He snuck up on me while I was taking some pictures for my boss. The conversation started with small talk about photography, since he used to shoot when he was young, and was curious about my camera. Apparently we both share a passion for photography. It was interesting to hear of how he learned photography back in his days. Then it was onto business, talking about the technical things related to our projects and stuff. This went on for a good 2 hours, and I was honestly sorry to see him go. He was brilliant.
Later, in the office my boss came to me.
"Hey Dan, just wanted to thank you for today... also, you know that gentleman who was speaking to you today?"
"... the old guy?"
"Yup. He's not just any old guy though. He's one of Canada's leading scientists on urban water systems and infrastructure. He's helped with numerous United Nations documents and reports. He was the smartest guy in the whole room. Here's his email, keep in touch with him. He'll be able to help you a lot when you graduate."
And to think. That out of all the people in the room willing to spend some of their time with a co-op student... he did. Funny how the bigger man, who's time was the most valuable, was the only one who saw it fit to spend some time with me.
If you're willing to spend time on someone, but that individual isn't willing to do the same in return, then they aren't worth it. Move on. Real leaders, those who are truly successful and confident about their position in life will be more than happy to share their life... it's these people that I seek to find in this world, and hopefully to learn from. I love my job. 
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Thank you everyone for your comments on my previous entry. They were very much appreciated. I'll try to get around to getting to know everyone, but real life is keeping me busy and I'm not as active on Xanga as I'd like to be. I saw one too many ":("s so here is some comic relief. Or... adorableness relief. Something like that.
That's Nunu, my mom's dog. We got her because she has a funny stupid expression all the time. We just didn't know she actually was stupid. But we all love her. So the lesson is, if you're going to be stupid, at least be cute! 
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| It was entirely unexpected. I paid her no attention when I first glimpsed her. She was just some fan girl. I was here for the real celebs, Philip and Wesley. Wong Fu met up with everyone at the Great Canadian Midway. It was a large arcade of sorts, and we spent quite a bit of time in there. Although I spent most of my time speaking to Wes, I did notice a few things about the girl in the green shirt. I noticed her totally kick ass playing DDR. I noticed her taking on another girl in a racing game, and beautifully drifting to victory. I also noticed that she was energetic, cheerful, and a very pretty looking girl.
We spoke a bit, but not much that night. I was giving Wes and Phil my business cards, and handed her one anyways since I had plenty of them.
The night ended, and I thought no more of her. I didn't expect to be seeing these strangers ever again.
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It started with a simple facebook status. She was "craving sushi", so I commented and told her to go get some. She replied that she didn't have a car. Since I was craving sushi too, I offered to drive. It just seemed convenient after all. She accepted, and suggested that we made it a date; which I thought was pretty cool, so I went with it.
I wanted to do it right, so I had to do some programming on the fly. I picked her up, and as soon as she got into the car, I had a single long stemmed rose in her hand. We went to a nice Japanese buffet of her choice, had a good time stuffing ourselves and trying new things on the menu. We spoke a little, just trying to get to know each other better. She told me she didn't have a boyfriend, although I noticed she was looking at the ground when she said that. It was night. So down to the falls, driving along the Niagara river... the place was empty... it being a weekday. The lights were on for the falls... so we took our time driving past them...watching as water thundered off the cliff and fell into what looked like an abyss to us. We didn't stop, we kept driving and played a little game. We just went wherever we wanted. At any sizable intersection, she had the choice of going left, right, or... by default straight. In this manner, we explored the areas around the falls, driving out into the country, where city lights didn't touch the sky. I was shy, and so was she, but we found songs that we both new and sang them together. She told me she loved my voice, and I honestly loved hers.
The GPS told us how to get back after. We spent hours back at the Great Canadian Midway... where we first met just a day earlier with Wong Fu. She totally kicked my butt playing some shooting game, and a racing game. Both totally unheard of since I've never been beaten by any girl before. She got me to play DDR, something I was notoriously horrible at, but I actually did quite well. We played the ticket games, and exchanged it for a very large pink stuffed animal. Honestly, I've never seen a girl so happy before. As we said goodbye for the night... and we hugged, while I handed her a full bouquet of flowers this time (there's another stupid story about why she got two flowers)... she whispered in my ear. "I'm so happy."
A few things from the night to take away is that she's moving soon. She's going to be moving to the US in a matter of weeks, and won't be coming back. Her parents are divorced and she's torn. She doesn't really know what's in store for her in the future, other than possible schooling in massage therapy.
I caught myself saying "I wish you didn't have to go" many times that night. And her response was always "I wish I had met you earlier."
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We met up again the day after, I rushed over right after work to get her. We went over to my place, and I taught her some guitar. I also took some photos of her... but the lighting wasn't ideal for it. Eventually, I ended up playing guitar while we sang Wonderwall together. Then we both lay on the bed together watching funny youtube finds together. You know, the little cute things couples or really good friends would normally do.
 This is her. Interestingly enough, I don't know her real name. I only know one of her many nicknames. ---
Of course, good things don't last. She lied to me. She did have a boyfriend, a long distance one for 2 years now. She just wanted to be happy, because of all the crap that was going on in her life, and I did that for her. She says that she really likes me. And for a while I could see her struggle, trying to balance me and her boyfriend.
Girls... please, stop lying to me. Too many ex's, too many female friends... say crap that just isn't true. I really just wanted someone who was honest. She was almost perfect in every way. She was fun, creative, and open to new experiences. She was a puzzle to unravel...she had piercings in all the interesting places, not too many... but a few to accentuate her physique. She even had a real tattoo. She loved to sing with her beautiful voice, and when we hugged... she wouldn't let go. But all that didn't matter as soon as it was clear she lied.
And so, right now... whatever we had is as good as dead. I wanted her pretty bad, but I couldn't bring myself to make her break up from a 2 year long distance relationship. I know how difficult long distance relationships are, and I respect that they must have had something special for it to have gone so long. I also knew, that I would be selfish for taking her. She had to leave soon, and I wouldn't do well with a long distance relationship. Not to mention, she was the type of girl that I'd love to be with for a long time... but not one I could bring home. Given her position in life, she lived for the moment so that she could be happy. While I planned for the future and work hard to establish myself. Those aren't very compatible if you think about it. So... I purposely made our next meeting awkward. It was easy. I just didn't plan anything. She had high expectations from previous excursions, and so.. that shut things down easily. She chose to stay with her bf, and I'm trying to feel happy about that... since I know it's the right thing. For some god damn reason, it still feels like crap though.
So yeah. I'm sorry I couldn't give everyone a happy ending on this one.
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She was phenomenal though. In the few days we actually spent together... she had energized me, totally helped me rebound from a previous relationship problem, and helped me learn more about myself. Because of her, I'm a better man now. And for that, I'd like to thank her. And... Wong Fu of course for leading to me meeting her.
I loved being with you. Just wanted you to know that. But we're going our separate ways in life, so this is probably for the best. Goodbye. Love.
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| My apologies for the lack of updates. Too many personal things have been going on and I wanted to spare everyone my rants and emotional dumps.
I hope everyone reading this is familiar with Wong Fu Productions. If not, they're three very talented Asian Americans who create videos (shorts, movies, music vids, etc). Their little company has been hugely successful with reaching out to the Asian-American/Canadian population and has a large following. Check out some of their videos when you have a chance, I promise that you won't regret it.
Wes, Phil, and Ted are doing another tour across the U.S.A. If you look around Xanga, you may have noticed a few others posting about their stops in numerous locations. I was lucky in that they decided to hop over the border at Niagara to pay us Canadian's a little visit. I was present in one of their events a few years ago when they did a tour to promote their movie, but never had a chance to meet them in person (since they were swarmed by girls). Luckily this time was different.
Ted's cat was sick, and so he couldn't make it. Wes is on the left, me with my messy hair (doh!) am in the middle, and Phil is on the right. We met up at the Great Canadian Midway, which was basically a large arcade. I actually hadn't actually made a trip to the falls yet prior to their coming.
It was pretty humbling and amazing to meet them. They were so down to earth, so comfortable, and so easy to talk to. I didn't get to speak to Phil too much since I felt that we didn't have much to talk about, but Wes and I had some pretty good talks (about photography and web designing).
There was only.. 15 people in total (including Wes and Phil), so we got to spend some more personal time with them. Not many people can make it to Niagara Falls on a Wednesday smack in the middle of midterms.
We basically played around in the arcade and watched as Wes and Phil had fun (:
Some pictures and commentary (that may or may not be real )  "Hey, you girls hungry???? Cause you're all about to eat my exhaust!"  "Oh damn, they're gonna call my bluff"  "All the girls are using manual. I must win this. Better use automatic." <---True!  "Man, this is harder than I thought. These girls are good."  "Oh wait, I think I'm getting the hang of this."  "Damn. I lost to a bunch of girls." <--okay, not true. He won.
Oh and that girl in the green?  We went on a date the next day. (It was her idea). More on that another time, lots of drama going on with her.
Now, lets not forget Wes!
"Boom. Headshot"
After, it was dinner together... some more conversations, then a walk down to see the falls all lit up, before parting ways. It was nice to meet new people. Even nicer to meet new people and have something already common with them (love for Wong Fu). We all seemed to feel pretty comfortable with each other, and so I'm happy to say that I walked away that night feel quite satisfied and content.
Wong Fu, and other really awesome and beautiful things really does bring people together!
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| When things are a mess, it really helps to do the little things we've always liked to do to find ourselves again.
Spending some time alone, taking deep breathes of the air of some new place. Or maybe do something random, like lying down on the floor of the house looking up at the roof of the foyer; cuddling up with the dogs, singing songs to an empty house, or strumming the guitar in the dead of the night while you lie in bed.
But no matter how many of those things are done, the best remedy is still speaking to a friend. Or... even better, a stranger.
Just wanted to thank everyone who put up with me for the past few days
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| A friend said:
ykno logically thinking, its just so sillyfor an actual relationship but when i stat thinking w/ my heart. i cant help but want it. everyone around me has had a bf recently, have one, have someone - everyone always talks about relaionships. they make it into sucha race, a competition ykno - like how many hookups have u had, how many gifts can ur bf give u... blhablahblah i dont think theres sucha rush, sucha race. i dont get why ppl make it into one. it scares the eff outta me.
and it was like she was saying everything I've been trying to say.
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Everything is changing. The seasons, the people, the feelings we all have. Except, I seem to be stuck here.
It was thanksgiving weekend up here in Canada, and I probably did the dumbest thing I've done in a long time. I was trying to cheer up an old friend who had just broken up with her boyfriend. The day went well enough, I did everything I could. I had warm drinks ready when I picked her up. We went for a walk, found a quiet place to talk. Then I blind folded her and took it off after I got her to the arcade. Somewhere between shooting zombies and feeling the speed of cars racing down long winding tracks, I hoped that she'd feel better. We ended off playing the children games, you know, those ones that dispense tickets that can be exchanged for cheap prizes. It was exciting, frustrating and fun. She had a knack for getting jackpots and bonuses, and I had a knack for getting nothing. We left with a Winnie the Pooh bear in her arms.
We did a few other things later, but somehow we ended up in my car, her in my arms, and us just talking. Like old times. We had driven out into the country so that we could have some privacy. It was pitch black outside, no lights, no cars. Occasionally a star would twinkle from behind the clouds in the sky. At one point, we had shifted and our faces were close. And I did it.
I kissed her. She kissed back.
We stopped.
It was all wrong. I shouldn't have done that. I don't think any amount of apologizing will ever get rid of this guilt.
I don't even know why I did it. Did I like her? Was I just missing the old days? Was I just lonely? or was it some stupid thing I did because it seemed like something they'd do in Hollywood?
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I was supposed to help her, but ended up making things more complicated. We've sorted out things a bit now... but I can't take that kiss back...and I haven't gotten a clue where I stand.
ps. Sorry if i haven't commented on everyone's blogs. I've read them all, just haven't had time to think of good responses yet. I'll get to them!
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